


The Twilight Zone

by Fig Newton (sg_fignewton)



Series: Ten for the Team [4]
Category: Stargate SG-1
Genre: Daniel is clueless about popular culture, Gen, Humor, Vampires, teamy goodness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-22
Updated: 2017-06-22
Packaged: 2018-11-16 23:25:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 733
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11263197
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sg_fignewton/pseuds/Fig%20Newton
Summary: "Twilightisn't proof of a fracture in the space-time continuum? Are yousure?"





	The Twilight Zone

**Author's Note:**

  * For [CrevanFox](https://archiveofourown.org/users/CrevanFox/gifts).



> Written in January 2009 for the prompt _SG-1 deals with the Twilight phenomenon_. This involved some Googling on my part. :) Please be advised that in my version of the SG-1 universe, the books were published several years earlier than they were in our quantum reality. 
> 
> This story takes places shortly after the events of _Moebius_.

Sam, Teal'c, and Daniel didn't even bother to look up when the door to Sam's lab slammed open. There was only one person on base who barged in like that.

_"Carter!"_

"Yes, sir?" Sam said absently, even as she delicately manipulated a datacard with a pair of tweezers.

"Carter, we messed up the timeline. We have to use the timeship again to fix it."

"No, we don't, sir." Sam smiled at the satisfying _snick_ as the datacard slotted into place, and turned to face Jack. "We already decided that a few fish in your pond aren't worth the risk."

"But this is much more important!"

"Jack, there is _no_ timeline in which the Cubs won the World Series in '89," Daniel warned.

"Oh, there's definitely a timeline where that happened, Daniel," Sam disagreed. "There has to be."

They all looked at her.

"Statistically speaking," she insisted, although a note of defensiveness had crept into her tone.

Jack waved his hands. "Will you all just stop and _listen_ to me! This isn't about the Cubs!"

"That will be a most refreshing change, O'Neill," Teal'c observed.

Jack glared at him, and merely got an ironic eyebrow in return.

"So, sir, if this isn't about the fish..."

"Again," Daniel muttered under his breath.

"...and this isn't about the Cubs..."

_"Again,"_ Daniel sighed.

"...then what is it, sir?" The words _this time_ hovered in the air, unspoken but clearly understood.

"Mythology has changed!" Jack said triumphantly.

Daniel snorted. "So, the change in the timeline is that _you_ recognize that? Please!"

"Daniel Jackson, that would truly be a serious alteration of reality."

"Very funny. I'm telling you, it's different!" Jack shuddered. "It's _weird._ "

"Sir, I've explained this to you before. If the timeline had changed, we wouldn't actually _know._ "

"What aspect of mythology do you think has changed, Jack?" Daniel was wearing his "humor Jack" expression, which was deliberately calculated to be as annoying as possible.

"Vampires," Jack snapped. "Vampires are supposed to be creatures of the night that stalk people and drink blood, right?"

"Well, the modern mythos is based on Bram Stoker's _Dracula_ , but Stoker swiped the name from Wallachia's Vlad the Impaler, who was probably -"

"Ah! Daniel!" Jack held up a warning finger. "I don't _care_ about that part! Just - vampires are supposed to be scary and creepy, right?"

Teal'c frowned slightly. "I do not believe that aspect of mythology has changed, O'Neill. I distinctly recall the creatures featured on _Buffy the Vampire Slayer_ , and they were indeed very -"

"Actually, traditional mythology has no real consensus for how vampires look, Jack. Descriptions ranged all over the place, depending on the country of origin. They weren't exactly -"

"But not _sparkly_ , I assume?"

Daniel automatically opened his mouth to argue, then closed it. "Ah - not that I recall, no..."

"See?" Jack slapped a hand down on lab bench.

"Sir, you haven't actually seen any, uh, _sparkly_ vampires around, have you?" Sam considered for a moment, then added, "Or any other kind?"

"Hammond conned me into taking Tessa and Kayla to a movie last night." Jack shuddered in recollection. "And it was all about sparkly vampires. I'm telling you, it was creepier than Zipacna in his Chiquita hat!"

"Oh!" Enlightenment sparked in Sam's eyes. "You saw _Twilight_."

_"Twilight?"_ repeated Teal'c and Daniel, more or less simultaneously.

"Yeah, Cassie told me about it. It's the latest fangirl craze, apparently. A series of books that got made into a movie."

"About sparkly vampires?" Daniel drew his brows together.

"Well, yes." Sam shrugged. "There's no accounting for some tastes."

Jack was looking ever more horrified than before. "Do you mean to tell me that someone actually wrote a series of books about sparkly vampires, and the timeline _didn't_ need to be changed to make that happen?" he demanded.

Sam stifled a grin. "Sorry, sir."

" _Twilight_ isn't proof of a fracture in the space-time continuum?"

"Nope."

Jack's voice turned plaintive. "Are you _sure_?"

"Sorry, sir," Sam said again, no longer trying to hide her smile.

Jack scowled. "That's just sick."

Daniel chuckled and got to his feet. "Cheer up, Jack," he advised. "It could be worse. Imagine if someone based a movie on those freak weather patterns that were set off when Maybourne's goons stole the Touchstone..."

Jack stared at him. So did Sam. So did Teal'c, although his disbelieving stare was tempered by pity.

Daniel blinked at them, utterly clueless. "...What?"

**Author's Note:**

> A bit more Googling informed me that _The Day After Tomorrow_ was playing in theaters towards the end of S8.
> 
> How much do I love that Daniel's ignorance of popular culture is canon? THIS much. :)


End file.
